I'm tired of you bouncing back...Let me love you from a distance.

People, even more than things, have been restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anyone. -Audrey Hepburn

This quote holds a lot of truth. It is the truth. People change. Even after they've been horrible. They can always bounce back. Even myself for example. I've been a bitch. I've been snooty. I've been a "mean girl." But I bounced back. Got my attitude and my act together and now i consider myself an all around "good person." Some people gave me 2nd chances to reclaim myself while others didn't.

For those who didn't, I totally get it.

People go through things. And during the time that they're going through, they may hurt you. They may say words to ruin your reputation. They may take from you. They may drain you. But keep in mind, they have the ability to bounce back.
Let's say they do bounce back and you give them a second chance; You soon begin to notice they cycle again. Once again, you're hurt. You're bruised. You're drained. What do you do now? Keep in mind, they'll probably bounce back and once again, that quote by Audrey Hepburn is active in your life.

My question is: How long do we allow this cycle to continue? How many times are people allowed to restore, renew, revive and reclaim themselves?
When does it turn from being forgiving to being taken advantage of? And how long will we tolerate it?

The end of that quote that this entry began with states, "Never write off anyone." Hmmm. So does that mean that people can take us through an emotional rollercoaster and then bounce back...and then do it again and we be OK with that?
My first thought is "HELL NO!" However, the smart side of my brain knows, to NEVER write anyone completely off. Especially people you love. And often, it's the people who we love taking us through this cycle. Think about it, when was the last time you let a person who you had not a care in the world for drive you nuts?
Chances are, you haven't
The people we love, know we love them. And they know that no matter how many times they take us through this cycle, they'll somehow bounce back and be at square one. And because they KNOW this, they (sometimes unknowingly) hurt us, brusie us, tear us down. And It's OK to love these people. However, these type of people have to be loved from a distance.
When you love somebody from a distance, it doesn't completely cut a person out of your life. It's just you taking control and making the decision of holding the relationship in YOUR hands. When you hold the relationship in your hands, you reduce the risk of this cycle occuring. People can't just bounce back as freely as they want to.

I'm tired of seeing people take advantage of people who love them. Sometimes we are so selfish and self centered that we don't even realize what we're doing and how we're bringing other people down. I encourage all of us to take a step back and look into our hearts. What is the motive? Are we constantly in bounce back mode? Are we constantly restoring, renewing, reviving, reclaming and redeeming ourselves? If you notice those traits in yourself, check it. Quick. Not everyone will follow the ending of that quote. Some people won't love you from a distance. Some people will soon grow tired of you bouncing back and just cut you off. And you don't want that...especially from the people who show you so much love.
We all need each other in one way or another. Lets not ruin relationships by contantly being in bounce back mode. Once we bounce back, we need to find stability.

Bored with Life.

Ever caught yourself daydreaming about something that just isn't quite right?
Ever caught yourself of a date with someone that you KNEW you couldn't bring to Sunday dinner?
Ever found yourself caught up in soooooo much drama because of one wrong move that you made?
Yes. All of these things happen to the best of us. Many of us write it off as a "learning experience," when in reality we could have went without that experience.

It's apart of human nature to want to chase a thrill. We all want to know if the grass is really going to be greener on the other side. And we all have a desire to be a bad ass at some point. But what happens when curiosity really starts killing the cat. What happens when your thrill becomes just a bit too thrilling for your taste? What happens when you go peeking to see if the grass is really greener but all you find are weeds and snakes in the grass?

Sometimes, we get bored with life. And start looking for what I call "trouble." Most of the time, we don't even realize that the decisions that we are about to make, because of BOREDOM, is gonna cause heaps of trouble. When we're bored, we act on impulse. Oftentimes, just ready for whatever, because we're bored...looking for that thrill. Feeling like our garden is turning brown so u wanna go snoop around and see if it's greener over there. Bad Idea.
Most of the time, the things we do out of boredom, are things that don't even fit our character. They're not natural to us. We don't even want to do it most of the time. But we do, for the couple of seconds of the rush. The fun. The thrill. And when we do things that we really don't wanna do soon follows regret. And after regret follows mess. You'll then realize that the grass isn't greener and you've probably made a bad move.

We often have friends who live certain lifestyles that we want to get a taste of..Or we often want to go places just to see how it is..Or we want to do things just to say that it's been done. And when we're bored, of course, its easier to give in your curiosity that should remain curiosity only. We then begin to dibble and dabble in things that doesn't have our name written on and clearly isn't for us. Then when it's all said and done and tomorrow is here, and last night is a memory..we're stuck with a regret. All because we felt that our personal life was "boring," and we decided to chase a thrill.

Everthing isn't for everybody. Let me say it again. Everything isn't for everybody.

We have got to become comfortable in our own skin. We have got to become comfortable with our own lives. It's not always necessary to chase a thrill..because 9 times out of 10 the grass in your own garden is greener. Almost all of the time, what we desire, what we need, what we want is right in front of us. We may have to open our hearts and look inside, maybe even shake things up and make slight changes. But it's THERE. It's not necessary to snoop in another garden and then check it off as a "lesson learned." Was that lesson really necessary? Couldn't you have taught yourself that? Wasn't it pretty self explanitory?

When life get's boring, think twice before you chase that thrill. What you need is right in front of you. You just have to look.

Mama's Boys.

So i had a VERY interesting conversation with one of my good friends the other night. She seems to keep ending up with "Mama's Boys."
You know...the type of men who have mothers that stunt their growth.
Mentally. Financially. Emotionally. Socially.
MEN? Whats really the deal here?
I understand that several men nowadays have been raised by single mothers, which creates this..."bond." And through this bond the Mothers and Son's have this type of attachment. And in my opinion, some of these attachments are unhealty.
I do realize that we all want what's best for our family members. Especially those of you who have children. However, there comes a time and place when some ties need to be broken. Some cords need to be cut. And some relationships need to have boundaries.
There is NO reason, a grown man should be living at home rent free. (Make an exception if he's a student) There is NO reason that a grown man should stick his hand out for financial help with car notes, cell phone bills, clothes, shoes and entertainment...and there is NO reason for a mother to enable these "men" to be boys.
If the saying is true, "The way a man treats his mother is that way he'll treat his wife," let me steer clear of all Mama's Boys. There is no way in hell i'm about to have some man of mine thinking it's cool to not get his own. Ohhhh NO! I'd do better alone! In my opinion, a man should behave as instructed in the bible. Work hard. Eat good.
If any mothers of "Mama's Boys" are reading this I would really like feedback. Why are you stunting you son's growth? Why are you not preparing him to be an excellent husband and father? Why are you teaching him that it's OK to take from women, when in fact he should strive hard to be a provider.
-Not just provide for his future family, but for YOU too. Mothers, you have done your job. Its time for the tables to turn.
When you son hits GROWN, It's time to let him fly. Be free. Handle his own. Be a man...a damn good one at that.

I know...it's hard being a woman and raising a man. But mothers, you still have to go the extra mile to teach him how it's supposed to be done. It's ok to take care of and spoil your boys, but there is a time and a place for that...and there is also a time and place for you to see the morals and values that (should have) been installed flourish.
Let's all take this as a challenge. Mother's: Let Go. "Mama's Boys": Get your own. Future FATHERS: Set an example. Stay in your son's life and be a good father to him and a good husband, lover or friend to his mom so he can follow suit. Future Mothers...just don't do it.

oops! (First Love's)

WOW. i haven't blogged since May. Its November...shame on me! this makes me realize how easy it is for all of us to forget our first love...that thing that was good to us, our outlet, or sanity, our peace. In my case, it was my writing. It's so easy to become so wrapped up in trying to "find ourselves" and make our mark in this world that we forget the small things. the simple things. the things that make us smile without a doubt, those things that we love to love because we KNOW its gonna love us back. I understand that at times we can get caught up in the hoop-la of the world and unknowingly forget about our...lets call it, "first love." However, its important that we always return to it. "It" being our desires, passions, goals and dreams. Never let down the thing that hasn't let you down. Never forget about those passions ("First Love's") that gave you butterflies at the thought of them. Never forget those First Love's that inspired you to dream bigger and achieve higher. We must make it a point to return to those things. With all that being said...I promise to return to my first love. Literature. You guys will be hearing a lot more from me. God Bless.

Single Dad's.

Today i observed single dad. He got all the praise. All the praise for having his son. Why were they praising him and giving him all this positive energy? Because he was doing it alone. Have we forgotten that there are women out here raising several children. Alone. Yet she gets no pat on the back because it's "the norm."

Sometimes i feel as if the few single dad's that are out there get unnecessary praise. I understand, that there are several men NOT taking care of their children, however...why do we go out of our way to glorify the man that does. It's his job. It should be his first priority. We should not celebrate him because he is doing it alone. You make a baby, you take care of a baby. No need to roll out the red carpet and invite the paparazzi for interviews because a man is doing what he needs to do. Society is all twisted. And it disgusts me. With a passion.

My mother raised me alone for my entire life. Never asked for a handout, Never asked for money. She did what she had to do to make sure that i was fed and had a bed to sleep in. At twenty-two, in some ways she is still raising me. Where is her trophy? Where is her nod of approval? I'm waiting...oh right she doesn't get one, because to be a single mom is soooo normal.
Why are we so pleased to see a man doing a job that millions of women do everyday?

This man that i was observing today, was flaunting around the fact that he was a single dad. Complaining that his baby mama didn't want the kid and blah blah blah...then he goes on to say how he's gonna do whatever he need's to do to make sure his kid was alright... It seemed to me as if he were looking for sympathy. And everyone gave in. wake up America! Did we forget, this is his child. His own flesh and blood. Raising him should not be out of the norm. Alone or not.

As he moseyed on...telling his story. Seeking praises. I sat back and thought. I rarely hear single mothers looking for praises and pats on their backs. They do what they have to do. Daddy or no Daddy. and most of the time, without complaint. It sucks that the tables are turned.

Being a single parent, Mother or Father should not be a norm in our society. We as a community need to start setting an example of real love for the upcoming generations. Right now, were teaching them that more than likely, they'll be single...or having baby mama drama. And thats not cool. We need to be examples of loving marriages and relationships. We need to teach those looking to us an example the right way to go. Think about it before you conceive. Is this a person that i can have a healthy relationship with...for this child's sake? Can i deal with this person for the next twenty-plus years...for this child's sake? Am i mature enought to fight past drama, agony and stress...for this child's sake? Think before you conceive...be an example is these kid's lives. Lets display Love. Honor. Patience. Positivity. Lets leave all this "Baby Mama Drama" at the door.

-and single dad's. I respect you for stepping to the plate when millions of Dad's choose not too. However, keep in mind, you're only doing you job.