Mama's Boys.

So i had a VERY interesting conversation with one of my good friends the other night. She seems to keep ending up with "Mama's Boys."
You know...the type of men who have mothers that stunt their growth.
Mentally. Financially. Emotionally. Socially.
MEN? Whats really the deal here?
I understand that several men nowadays have been raised by single mothers, which creates this..."bond." And through this bond the Mothers and Son's have this type of attachment. And in my opinion, some of these attachments are unhealty.
I do realize that we all want what's best for our family members. Especially those of you who have children. However, there comes a time and place when some ties need to be broken. Some cords need to be cut. And some relationships need to have boundaries.
There is NO reason, a grown man should be living at home rent free. (Make an exception if he's a student) There is NO reason that a grown man should stick his hand out for financial help with car notes, cell phone bills, clothes, shoes and entertainment...and there is NO reason for a mother to enable these "men" to be boys.
If the saying is true, "The way a man treats his mother is that way he'll treat his wife," let me steer clear of all Mama's Boys. There is no way in hell i'm about to have some man of mine thinking it's cool to not get his own. Ohhhh NO! I'd do better alone! In my opinion, a man should behave as instructed in the bible. Work hard. Eat good.
If any mothers of "Mama's Boys" are reading this I would really like feedback. Why are you stunting you son's growth? Why are you not preparing him to be an excellent husband and father? Why are you teaching him that it's OK to take from women, when in fact he should strive hard to be a provider.
-Not just provide for his future family, but for YOU too. Mothers, you have done your job. Its time for the tables to turn.
When you son hits GROWN, It's time to let him fly. Be free. Handle his own. Be a man...a damn good one at that.

I know...it's hard being a woman and raising a man. But mothers, you still have to go the extra mile to teach him how it's supposed to be done. It's ok to take care of and spoil your boys, but there is a time and a place for that...and there is also a time and place for you to see the morals and values that (should have) been installed flourish.
Let's all take this as a challenge. Mother's: Let Go. "Mama's Boys": Get your own. Future FATHERS: Set an example. Stay in your son's life and be a good father to him and a good husband, lover or friend to his mom so he can follow suit. Future Mothers...just don't do it.

oops! (First Love's)

WOW. i haven't blogged since May. Its November...shame on me! this makes me realize how easy it is for all of us to forget our first love...that thing that was good to us, our outlet, or sanity, our peace. In my case, it was my writing. It's so easy to become so wrapped up in trying to "find ourselves" and make our mark in this world that we forget the small things. the simple things. the things that make us smile without a doubt, those things that we love to love because we KNOW its gonna love us back. I understand that at times we can get caught up in the hoop-la of the world and unknowingly forget about our...lets call it, "first love." However, its important that we always return to it. "It" being our desires, passions, goals and dreams. Never let down the thing that hasn't let you down. Never forget about those passions ("First Love's") that gave you butterflies at the thought of them. Never forget those First Love's that inspired you to dream bigger and achieve higher. We must make it a point to return to those things. With all that being said...I promise to return to my first love. Literature. You guys will be hearing a lot more from me. God Bless.

Single Dad's.

Today i observed single dad. He got all the praise. All the praise for having his son. Why were they praising him and giving him all this positive energy? Because he was doing it alone. Have we forgotten that there are women out here raising several children. Alone. Yet she gets no pat on the back because it's "the norm."

Sometimes i feel as if the few single dad's that are out there get unnecessary praise. I understand, that there are several men NOT taking care of their children, however...why do we go out of our way to glorify the man that does. It's his job. It should be his first priority. We should not celebrate him because he is doing it alone. You make a baby, you take care of a baby. No need to roll out the red carpet and invite the paparazzi for interviews because a man is doing what he needs to do. Society is all twisted. And it disgusts me. With a passion.

My mother raised me alone for my entire life. Never asked for a handout, Never asked for money. She did what she had to do to make sure that i was fed and had a bed to sleep in. At twenty-two, in some ways she is still raising me. Where is her trophy? Where is her nod of approval? I'm waiting...oh right she doesn't get one, because to be a single mom is soooo normal.
Why are we so pleased to see a man doing a job that millions of women do everyday?

This man that i was observing today, was flaunting around the fact that he was a single dad. Complaining that his baby mama didn't want the kid and blah blah blah...then he goes on to say how he's gonna do whatever he need's to do to make sure his kid was alright... It seemed to me as if he were looking for sympathy. And everyone gave in. wake up America! Did we forget, this is his child. His own flesh and blood. Raising him should not be out of the norm. Alone or not.

As he moseyed on...telling his story. Seeking praises. I sat back and thought. I rarely hear single mothers looking for praises and pats on their backs. They do what they have to do. Daddy or no Daddy. and most of the time, without complaint. It sucks that the tables are turned.

Being a single parent, Mother or Father should not be a norm in our society. We as a community need to start setting an example of real love for the upcoming generations. Right now, were teaching them that more than likely, they'll be single...or having baby mama drama. And thats not cool. We need to be examples of loving marriages and relationships. We need to teach those looking to us an example the right way to go. Think about it before you conceive. Is this a person that i can have a healthy relationship with...for this child's sake? Can i deal with this person for the next twenty-plus years...for this child's sake? Am i mature enought to fight past drama, agony and stress...for this child's sake? Think before you conceive...be an example is these kid's lives. Lets display Love. Honor. Patience. Positivity. Lets leave all this "Baby Mama Drama" at the door.

-and single dad's. I respect you for stepping to the plate when millions of Dad's choose not too. However, keep in mind, you're only doing you job.

Standards. Where are yours?

Oh my sweet Jesus. It kills me when I see beautiful men and women living below what should be their standards. COME ON PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!! How can we expect people to act a certain way, or treat us a certain way when we conform to their lifestyle of no goodness. For example, a woman willingly accepts a man with no job and no money but gets mad when she hasn't been on a date in months? Hello, what did you expect. You didn't set the bar high enough when you first started dating so now he thinks its OK to order a pizza and get boot leg movies and considers that a date! Now, i know we are in a recession. but that is no excuse for a beautiful woman, who was raised right to have a no good a$$ man, sitting on her couch all day playing video games!
What im trying to say is, set your bar high in the beginning. Let he or she know what you will not stand for, and if they can't get with it, they can get lost. I know several people right now who are settling for less. and it disgusts me. Settle for less for what? There is not a shortage of men and women in America. People just need to be patient. Me, personally, i REFUSE to settle for a loser who has nothing going for himself. Why? If he doesn't have enough respect for himself to take care of business, how can i expect him to take care of me? I'm not asking someone to pay my bills and fund my spending habits, I simply mean take care of home...or take care of relationship duties.
Not to sound snooty, or big headed, but thats just the way it is. I have too much respect for myself to allow some no good guy in my life. To be on my team, you have to have at least what I have or more. and thats that. Thats what the women in my family taught me and im sticking to my guns. Oftentimes people get lonely, so they take what they can get. and "taking what you can get" only leads to drama and disaster. Trust me.
I am strongly pushing this issue. SET YOUR STANDARDS HIGH IN THE BEGINNING. Refuse to settle for less. Always want whats best for yourself. you deserve it. Evaluate the other person and evaluate your life...now compare the two. Are they a good make-up? Do they clash? Are they out of this world? Think about it, time is a terrible thing to waste. Please dont waste time by settling for less. Simply raise your bar.

are women punished for being more succesful than their mate?

I was watching sex and the city last nite, and i ended up watching the episode where Miranda and Steve were preparing to go to her firms company party. Here's a little background on the two of them, Miranda is a successful lawyer who loves the finer things in life, Steve is a bartender whose income is based on tips. They come from totally different backgrounds as well, Miranda has an ivy league education and Steve attended bartending school. So as the episode goes on Miranda learns that Steve doesn't have a suit. So she ends up taking him to a store with the desire to purchase him one. A gift to him, Love Miranda. The total ends up being $2,200. Of course Steve cannot afford it, his credit cards are being declined, he doesn't have enough cash, and although Miranda is ready and willing to pay, he will not let her. He ends up paying with three different forms of money...and ends up returning the suit days later.
The day of the firms dinner, Steve shows up to Miranda's apartment and breaks up with her. He say's because he cannot give her what she deserves, and because he's out of her league.
Is this socially OK? Why is it that men are imtimidated by women who can hold thier own? There are several men who wont date a woman who makes more money than them, are these pride issues? imtimidation? or are guys just embarrassed? I know that years ago the man was designed to take care of home and the woman to cook and clean? But why have the tables turned and its not acceptable?
Understand, everybody is out to get theirs. Everybody want's to be on top. Man or Woman. But for money and job issues to come in between what is supposed to be a loving relationship is so out of line. Guys, trust me, if she didn't love you for you, there wouldn't have been a third and fourth date. Time would not have been invested. Not to say ladies deliberately go looking for a deadbeat, and just because you don't make as much as her does not make you that. It just makes her successful. And for that you should be proud, not embarrassed. She should be your motivation to excel. And women should not feel badgered, or "out of place" because they make more than a man. Its a maturity thing, and a social thing. Are our social classes in life enough to come in between love?

Lets take it back...

I don't know about you all but i feel as if technology is trying to take the place of vintage love. It may seem funny but think about it...
What is more romantic? An email or a handwritten love note? A text message that say I luv u or a phone call that says "Just wanted to say i love you. have a great day" Having a bumch of pictures on myspace or facebook or having a scrapbook forever? think about it...now which do we indulge in more.
When did it become romantic to recieve a text message with wording in codes to say i love you? Maybe im just feeling real girly right now, but i miss the love notes and the late night phone calls. i was just talking to someone not too long ago, someone who i consider myself to have a romatic connection with, and he told me he would rather text than talk...because talking "drains him out." It was then and there that i realized that we had a problem. I miss vintage love.
As women, we are naturally emotional. We want the flowers and the cards and candy. Not the pictures of flowers through a text message or the card sent from Hallmark Online. I know im not the only one who feels this way either...Guys, you have to get back in the habit of vintage love. Teenage love. Before we were crazed over cell phones and the internet. Do you guys remember the time we spent writing long letters in middle and high school? Do you remember the kissing and holding hands during lunch time? Do you remember sticking around after school just to see that special person? What happened to vintage love. Why are we allowing technology to come in and take over.
Maybe some people are OK with text messages and emails. but i am not. I live for the day that i get a handwritten letter. And its sad to say but i can't see that happening anytime soon. We have become dependant on a computer screen to do everything for us. Even love. and thats not OK. Its so funny, because someone can email you during a busy work day, text you at a club...they don't have to take the time out to do anything. Think about this, to call someone you have to get away from the havoc, you actually have to take the time out to stop what your doing to focus on a phone call. It only takes a minute. and we would all be surprised at what that minute could do, how much of a difference it would make.

casual sex?

Shana sparked my interest in this subject with her facebook status...the word "hoe" is so overrated nowadays because casual sex is so normal. Society tells us that to be sexually free is ok, as long as your protecting yourself. But is a condom or birth control all you need to be protected?
Many times we fail to realize that sex is an emotional act. I don't care who you are, how "player" you may seem to be. Sex is emotional. You have sex for a reason, all sparked from one emotion. So my question to all my readers is, does a condom or birth control protect you from getting your emotions all tangeled up in a web? Are certain people worth getting tangeled up with?
Are you mature enough to even handle certain emotions that may surface? Are you willing you deal with certain emotion that will surface? Are u strong enough to overcome emotions that will surface?
I'm not knocking casual sex, if you do it and thats your thing than fine. but i want everyone to be aware. Sex is not just sex. Sooner or later there will be a time and place to deal with those emotions. trust me. Until that time comes...protect yourselves. Protect your emotions.